As children and adults, some of us are naturally less comfortable when it comes to approaching others or taking our place in a group. And if you break out in a cold sweat just imagining having to verbalize your opinion loud and clear (or, even worse, speak in public !)… You know what we’re talking about! Conversely, you may be rather extroverted and comfortable wherever you are.
For our children, it’s the same thing. Some swim in the group like fish in water, where the shyest would give anything to be able to hide from view. In itself, shyness is nothing serious. But be careful not to let yourself be overcome by fear! Does your child tend to look at their shoes a little too much? To avoid speaking at all costs and refuse contact with people he or she doesn’t know well? It’s not inevitable! And it is entirely possible to learn to overcome your shyness. Or to use it as a weapon, to be as comfortable at home as outside! It’s all a question of time, experience, and managing your emotions. So, how can I help my shy child overcome his fears and approach others with confidence? We’ll take a look at the issue and help you adopt the right behavior to meet his needs.
1. Understand the shy child to better support them
You may have doubts about your child’s shyness. “Yes, well, he is always glued to my legs when we are at friends’ houses.” Good point! But tell me, how do we recognize our shy little ones? Decryption.
What are the characteristics of shy children?
Before the age of 2 or 3, it will be difficult to talk about shyness, because your Mini is very little aware of how others look at him. On the other hand, after this age, it is not uncommon for a parent to start asking themselves the question of their child’s shyness. And it is above all a question of temperament! A shy child is characterized by his exacerbated fears:
- the other ;
- of the unknown in general;
- of a new activity;
- of a new situation.
Risk-taking? Not for him! You can quickly recognize them by their little quavering voices and their flushed cheeks.
What are the signs of shyness?
Shyness is a fearful state whose main sign is a lack of self-confidence. A lack of self-assurance leads to a feeling of insecurity. Moreover, the symptoms of shyness are quite similar to those of anxiety: fear, palpitations, trembling, nausea, inhibition, etc. Result? The shy child prefers to stay back and stick to the wall rather than blend into the crowd (too much stress!) Express an opinion? No thanks!
What are the factors that influence shyness?
As we have seen, shyness can be due to temperament. But it can also be explained by education. Fear is a driving force to make them obey, too frequent reproaches. It doesn’t take much to lead a child towards insecurity… and therefore encourage them to become shy. It is also possible that life experiences have influenced their shyness. And hearing yourself constantly told that you are a shy child doesn’t help, for example.
2. Encourage self-confidence and overcome fear
Well, once we have taken stock of our child’s shyness, we can do everything we can to alleviate their fears. And help them flourish in society. Any advice? Encourage and reassure!
How to encourage self-expression?
It’s simple, but every little gesture in everyday life counts. Let your child choose their outfits and help them gain self-confidence by helping them become as independent as possible. Respect their choices, their tastes, and their opinions. Talk about it and show them how much value all of this has in your eyes as a parent.
How can I support my child depending on the situation?
Not all situations are equal, and some are a bit too stressful for our little shy ones! Whatever the case, avoid doing things for them (even if, as we know, it’s tempting). We think we’re doing the right thing by taking the lead, doing or speaking for them, to lend them a helping hand … But we’re wrong . It’s counterintuitive, we agree! But it’s better to show them that we trust them to succeed, without doing things for them. And, above all, we banish this harmless phrase that isn’t: “Excuse her, she’s shy…”
How to highlight your talents?
We often think of theatre to overcome the shyness of children who we find a little too withdrawn. And it’s a great activity! But it may not be your shy child’s cup of tea. So what else? Learn to play an instrument, get involved in creative activities (long live DIY and crafts!), and learn to draw… in short, there are as many extracurricular activities as there are children, the world of possibilities is vast. Make the most of it! And follow his desires: your Mini will know how to guide you towards what he likes.
How to promote social interactions?
School is a great playground, socialization is also one of the challenges of nursery school. But you can also positively influence his social interactions from his comfort zone: home. Invite a friend of his, or several friends for a snack. Your Mini is not keen on the idea of coming out of his shell for an afternoon? Suggest a treasure hunt. Still not? Don’t force it. It will come with time. The idea is to reduce his fears and to help him feel as comfortable as possible. Not to change his nature or turn him into an ultra-social extrovert!
3. Recognize shyness, a strength to be valued
But yes, of course, there is something positive in shyness! Come, we’ll tell you more…
What are the qualities of shy children?
Know that your Mini, as shy as he or she may be, can benefit from it and learn a lot of soft skills: listening, creativity, modesty, and deep reflection. Since a shy child does not rush towards a situation, a new thing, or a potential future friend at the park, he or she has time to think. As a result, we are dealing with more thoughtful, more calm children, who master analysis and observation like no one else. They are also very sensitive and live their emotions to the fullest. And that’s a good thing!
What can and cannot be said to a shy child?
We repeat we avoid supporting a child’s shyness by making a big deal about it at the bakery when our Mini doesn’t dare ask for bread… “Oh, he’s really shy, you know!” This will avoid putting him or her in a situation of failure. We also avoid humiliating him or making fun of him, even gently. And, above all, we don’t blame him for his shyness, it wouldn’t do any good!
Conversely, we encourage him as much as we can with lots of “Wow, I’m proud of you!” We also don’t hesitate to nudge him a little: “I have the impression that you want to go play with that little girl over there, don’t you?”, but without forcing. And we are not stingy with compliments on his accomplishments, even the smallest ones!
Are you now reassured about the steps to follow to help your shy child? Phew! You see, it’s not inevitable. It’s even more of a quality in certain situations. These are children who don’t rush towards danger at full speed, and that’s relaxing for us parents. And if your Mini prefers the reassuring comfort of his home, you can always encourage him to travel and explore thanks to the Mini Worlds magazine! It’s a whole world, within his reach, at his own pace, and according to his own rules.